


the fault in a poet's heart

by furafurari



Series: A3_69mins Challenge [2]
Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, but i need to learn how to write from others' pov as well..., everybody loves homare, homare ily bby, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furafurari/pseuds/furafurari
Summary: Homare thought back at the moment when he used the Loupe of Sincerity, and his heart became heavy. All he asks was forgiveness, and he hoped that his new family could grant him just that.
Relationships: Arisugawa Homare & Winter Troupe
Series: A3_69mins Challenge [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859575
Comments: 9
Kudos: 47





	the fault in a poet's heart

**Author's Note:**

> Posted as part of #a3_69min challenge week 2: Mankai mysteries prompt! Please enjoy.

Back when they first met, Homare had done something horrible. He always thought it was for the good of his troupe, but it stayed in the back of his mind. And now, it sometimes keeps him up at night, to the point that even _Hisoka_ was asking him if something’s wrong.

Fear thrummed inside his heart, plaguing his thoughts. He inhaled slowly before letting his breath go, staring at the closed door in front of him. Today is their rare day of joining to drink together, just for the Winter Troupe, in Azuma’s room. And he knows, deep in his heart, that he was late by 11 minutes already. The poet closed his eyes, reciting Shakespeare’s Macbeth dialogues as if he’s reciting a spell. It calmed his mind a little, and he made a decision.

He knocked thrice, before opening the door.

“You’re late, Homare.” Azuma’s silky voice greeted him, smiling languidly. Tasuku and Tsumugi were there too, sitting next to each other on the sofa across from Azuma. Hisoka already laid down on the sofa, head pillowed on the white-haired man’s lap, sleeping peacefully. Guy himself appears to be making some kind of cocktail, and nodded as a greeting as Homare closed the door behind him.

“My apologies, I was… occupied.” He hesitated, as he sat down next to Guy. Tsumugi appeared to have finished his conversation with Tasuku, and was currently staring at him. Homare can feel his breathing become faster, as if he’s being scrutinized. Tsumugi smiled kindly, however, as he offered him a cup. “Are you alright?” he asked, as Homare accepted the offering but didn’t drink it just yet. He cradles the glass in his hands, head looking down as if searching for the correct words to say what he wanted to tell them. His friends, his family, his  _ fated ones _ .

Tasuku reached one of the beer cans, and poured it into his glass. “It’s not like you to be quiet as soon as you entered,” he remarked, before gulping down a sip. Homare chuckles at that. “Ah, Tasuku-kun, if you had wanted to have a poem you only had to ask!” Homare smiled, but he could feel that his smile hadn't quite reached his heart. “... Though, you must pardon me, I was not quite in the right mind to compose one…”

“... Arisu, are you being weird again?” His roommate’s voice was heard suddenly, and Homare glanced to his side to see Hisoka already awake, rubbing his eyes. His stare was clear and aimed deep into his soul. “Just tell us what’s wrong. You have been restless this past week, don’t think I haven’t noticed… It took you some time to prepare my bags of marshmallows, and you hadn’t been composing as many poems lately.”

Homare’s mouth opened a little bit at that. Hisoka-kun is observant, yes, but he didn’t know his roommate is… this good at reading people. Guy put his cocktail shaker down, before he nodded at him. “It’s like what Mikage had said. If you have a problem, you only need to ask. We would listen to the best of our capabilities.” The green eyes that once held no emotion now stare at him full of warmth. 

Azuma only smiled, before he laid his hand gently on top of his. “... I think it would be better if we started by drinking first, if you want to?” Always, always being so considerate. The purple-haired man knows that not a lick of alcohol has even touched him, but right now he feels as if he wants to cry. Never before he felt like this, like the others want to understand him. And they had. 

And he knows that he wants to understand them, as well. 

Homare followed Azuma’s suggestions, and took a gulp of his beer before putting the glass on top of the table. “... I wanted to confess something.” Their joining should be about having fun, but now he’s here, troubling them with his woes. Homare’s heart felt heavy all of a sudden. “Do you remember that time, back in our first year, where I had spoken without thoughts and made you angry?”

They looked at each other at Homare’s words, before nodding. Guy, who didn’t get to experience their disastrous first meeting, sat back in silence observation.

The man sighed, looking tiredly at his troupe mates. “... The reason I was able to solve our problems and offer suggestions was not because I gained insight into your troubles. No. Far from it,” He can feel the alcohol buzzing a bit inside his pounding head, but he refuses to back down. “... It’s because I took a gaze into your hearts. Literally. With the loupe of sincerity.”

Silence. Seeing that they hadn’t laughed at him, Homare continued. The burden feels more real now, and his breath hitched a bit as more words poured forth from his lips. “... I… I used it without your permission and gained knowledge of what your thoughts are at that moment. I was feeling disgustingly proud, knowing I had done some good. But no, I hadn’t, don’t I?” He smiled bitterly, as he felt the beginning of tears in the corners of his eyes. 

“But I swear, my words at that moment rang true! I love you, I care for every one of you! That’s why I did it, and no more than that!” He looked up, gesturing wildly at them, looking at their faces. More tears came out, and before he knew it, he was sobbing. “I didn’t look at any more than that, and I had returned back the loupe. I swear to you, all of this is true-- and I apologize. I apologize from the bottom of my heart, for I had peeked into your hearts without permission. I--”

His head was pounding. He buried his face into his hands, fearing that he would see expressions of disgust. Just like his precious loved one back then, who had turned away because he did not understand them. And here he was, confessing that he did not understand them and was loathly looking into their minds… He sobbed, his shoulders shaking, trying to get rid of the darkening thoughts.

“Homare-san.” 

A kind voice was heard, he knew it belonged to Tsumugi. “Please lift up your head. We did not blame you for doing what you know was best in the past.” Homare took a deep breath, before he dared to look up. Tsumugi was smiling at him. Next to him, Tasuku sighed, his eyebrows crunched. He looked… worried. “You dumbass, that was a long time ago. And we believe you, so don’t cry.”

They... believed him?

A warm hand was put on his back, slowly rubbing circles. It made his heart lighter, and he turned to look at Azuma’s understanding smile. “Homare-san, thank you. It must have been hard for you to think about that, hmm?” Homare nodded. “It was. It plagued my mind at night, and weighed my heart at day. I… I came to regard you all as my precious ones, and I did not want to hurt you…!” 

Azuma shushed him kindly, taking out his handkerchief and began dabbing on his tears. “You did not hurt us. You thought about us. And that was very kind of you to do so.”

Homare almost didn’t want to believe him, but who else could he believe if not for these people? So he looked down, silently letting Azuma drying his tears, hands gripped on his lap. He heard a sigh as Azuma took the handkerchief away from his face, and before he knew it Hisoka’s head was dropped on his lap.

“... There’s no need to apologize for something that’s not even bad, dumb Arisu.” Hisoka said, caressing Homare’s face. “You did it because you’re worried about us, right? Without you, maybe we will not be as close as we are now.” A soft smile, unlike the one that usually graced Hisoka’s face was shown at him, and Homare blinked again. He felt that he could breathe easier now, feeling as if his troubles slowly melted away one by one, the darkness gone.

“Arisugawa.” Guy’s voice made him turn his head, as Hisoka made himself comfy on his lap. Homare let him, focusing on Guy’s face that showed no judgement. “I may not have been there when this all happened, but Yukishiro told me what occurred on that day. You saw a problem that threatened the unity of your bond, and you tried your best to make sure that did not happen. That was.. An admirable thing to do.” He smiled at him. “Please do not burden yourself with such thought as if you did something unforgivable.” 

Homare could only nod unconsciously. Of course Guy would know, wouldn’t he? He was almost the same as him, an android to the broken cyborg.

“Here, drink more. You need it after crying that much.” Tasuku placed his drink back at him, in his awkward way of caring. He knows this. “Or do you want to drink something warm instead, Homare-san? I can make something for you.” Tsumugi offers to him, considering his feelings and being compassionate. He knows this. Azuma’s hand keeps rubbing on his back, offering passive support through direct contact. He knows this. Hisoka, who shows how he cares by keeping his head down on Homare’s lap, even though he complained that he was a noisy pillow. He knows this. Guy, who showed his concern and understanding, as he clumsily learned further how to do so, just like him. He knows this. Homare knows all this.

How could he ever doubt that they would accept him?

Laughing a little, he smiled at last, knowing right in that moment that his concern was unfounded. He was here, with MANKAI troupe, with the Winter Troupe, his little family within the family, whom he came to love so very much. “Thank you.” He rasped, as he accepted the drink offering, their love, their concern, their care. Storing all the feelings right inside his heart, remembering every little happy memories inside his mind. 

And as he looked at how they smiled at him, he hoped that he could keep doing more of all of this for a long, long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuyupoly brainrot is real, and has been plaguing me for weeks. Writing Homare is so much fun. Thank you for reading.


End file.
